How Did That Happen?

How did I get here? Pic

I was in an abusive relationship. 

Sometimes I need to just say that out loud and let it hang in the air for a little bit. Those words are so strange coming out of my mouth. Even sitting here getting ready to type out my story I keep stopping and staring off and thinking back to what it was like to be in that space, that life. Then I try to refocus and get back to writing.  

How much of this story do I share? How deep do I go? Do I share this moment or that moment? And then I stare again at nothing and think back to this or that moment… 

What the hell happened? That is not me. How did I let those things happen to me? 

I don’t exactly know how it happened. I have some ideas and I know some of the ridiculous feelings I had when I knew deep down I needed to get out but chose to stay. I know what those ridiculous thoughts were but I still don’t know why or how I let myself get there. I might not ever really know. I do know that at some point I stopped loving myself. I had to have stopped loving myself. I had to have stopped understanding my worth. And that is so crazy. How did THAT happen? 

Deep breath Continue reading

All Of Us Are One Decision Away From Dating A Murderer

article-2538777-1AA3172E00000578-604_634x362

I mean, most of us have some pretty crazy dating horror stories. I have a few that are pretty GIANT. Like the time I was asked out by a serial killer. 

Hold please. 

For a while I was convinced that I was one of those people who attracted “bad” people or the wrong people. Ya know what?! I was 100% correct. It’s almost comical, really. Ok. It is totally funny in hindsight. What isn’t funny is as bad as it was at times, it could have been so much worse.

When I said I thought I attracted some “bad” people, I actually mean that a couple of them were downright evil. Continue reading