Grounded Gratitude. 

I think I might need to Trademark that if it isn’t already. (Smile emoji)

What is Grounded Gratitude? 

To start, it’s the feeling I have right now. I’ve always been grateful but I don’t know that I really truly embraced the sentiment of gratefulness or let it into my being if that makes sense.  A lot of that “missing” has to do with my struggle with being present. Through most of my life I have struggled with staying in the moment. So much so that I’ve been actively working on my personal growth especially in this area for over a year. So much so that one of my mentors, colleagues, and very good friend, Marshall, basically told me I NEED to read the book “The Present”. I did and it helped a lot. Thank you, Marshall. 

Do you want to know who was always present? My Mom. She was always fully present and more than just a little grateful to be so. She had so many reasons and challenges in life that no one would have blamed her if she was somewhere else in her mind and heart. But she was always so happy to be exactly where she was and with the people she loved despite all of the things the universe threw at her. She gave those other stressful, worrisome things their own time and place to be dealt with but didn’t let them bleed into the important moments. It was her superpower (one of them at least).

I lost my mom just a little over a month ago. She died unexpectedly 5 days before Christmas. It is still Bizzaro Land, surreal to write that or say that. This is by far the hardest thing I’ve ever had to deal with. Don’t worry…I don’t think this post is a sad post so please stay with me. 

My sister and I were talking a few weeks ago. We’ve been talking several times per day every day since we lost mom. During this chat, we were talking about a feeling that we both had that was similar but manifesting a bit different for each of us. It was this feeling that someone was pulling us from inside our chest, a physical feeling like someone was tugging at our heart. At first we both hated it. It felt like someone was trying to take something from us or like we were forgetting something. In trying to put my sister’s mind at ease, I ended up putting my own mind at ease and also having a sort of epiphany. Has that ever happened to you? Your own guidance being reflected right back at you?

There is a beautiful kids’ book called The Invisible String. The book explains that we are all connected to the ones we love. We are connected by a very strong invisible string that can never be broken. It doesn’t matter where on earth we are or if we are no longer on earth. That string will never break. 

As I was telling my sister this I realized I understood my own tug. That pull at my heart. That aching pull that I just wanted to go away is now something I never, ever want to lose. Except now, it doesn’t ache the same way. I firmly believe that the tug I feel is my mother pulling me back to exactly where I am. She wants me to be here, fully present, and truly grateful for everything in my life in this exact moment now. When my mind wanders to things I can’t control…she pulls on that powerful connection, that string.

I am present. I am fully here. Grounded Gratitude. Being grateful and fully present in that gratitude. 

Mom died on a Tuesday. I found out that night. The next morning after a sleepless night and when I knew my friends, family, work family,  my “crew” was awake, I started reaching out. I didn’t contact a lot of people. Just a few and that’s all that was needed. Some calls, some texts. I wasn’t expecting anything from anyone but I knew I needed people. What happened next was … I don’t have the right words to describe it but… we had food, we had flowers, cards, I had daily texts and calls that were so gentle, kind, and self aware that I felt perfectly supported. There were beautiful gifts like books to help me grieve, and these beautiful wind chimes that have quickly become one of my favorite possessions and a forever memorial. Our work team and partners jumped in and we didn’t have to worry about a single thing. The leaders on our team, the powerful, brilliant ladies who are the heart of our agency handled everything. The partner teams we work with stepped up to make sure our team was looked after. All of these people have no financial benefit to do that but they did. We love each other. “Where can you go?”. My best friends sent so much love and with so much care and so much food haha. The calls and texts….The comments on my FB post from people I’ve lost touch with but who remember my mom or just want me to know I’m never alone. My family… You all know how much we are leaning on each other. And I love you all more. And Derek…I can’t tell you how truly grateful I am for you and this love and this partnership. And Emma, your perfect shockingly strong hugs and taking such care and gentleness with the last beautiful gift Grandma Carol got you…a tiny silver necklace with the letter “E” on it. Her 10 year old brain gets it. Even this little poodle we inherited who is a trained therapy dog was right there for me. Almost like “I’ve trained for this and have been waiting for this moment. I’ve got you”. Haha. 

I know that many people believe everything happens for a reason. I sometimes believe that too…usually believe that. Other times, I think that things happen and it just plain sucks. Sometimes it’s beyond reason. Losing my mom is still beyond reason. But I would not be making her proud or doing right by her memory if I didn’t look for the good I can do on the other side of this….the things I can do to show what I have learned from her. So I am paying attention to those tugs. I am finding comfort in that unbreakable connection and using the string to pull myself back up so I can enjoy this life and make it even more awesome. 

I am grounded. I am grateful. I am here.